Abider Not A Provider

Five days into my 40-day commitment to give up TV and to make growing in my relationship with God my #1 priority all day every day and my head is spinning! The spiritual lessons are coming so fast that I need to sort it all out before I can share them with any clarity. Will post more on this later.

One thing I can say with certainty is that I never realized how much valuable time I was wasting each week mindlessly sitting in front of a TV.  The first couple of days were tough because turning on the TV is such a deeply ingrained habit but, in less than a week, I realize I rarely think about it anymore. I hope you will consider joining me in this challenge. The rewards are amazing!

The first night without TV I used a link provided by my son and daughter-in-law to access an online sermon posted on their church's website. Wow! Just the message I needed to hear. (They know me so well!) This sermon provided some practical advice that I truly needed to apply to my life.

I can honestly say that right now I am experiencing a lightness of soul and freedom from striving that I have not enjoyed for months. I am focusing solely on staying connected to Jesus (The Vine) and becoming a conduit of nourishment for others rather than trying to produce the nourishment myself. How liberating!

For some illogical reason, I keep sliding back into my old habits of focusing on productivity instead of connectivity. In case you struggle with the same issues, here is a link to the sermon  http://bit.ly/12mdej . This message is part of the Amnesia Series: Who Am I?


Description: Often, in everyday life, Christians forget that our identity is in Christ. We take it on as our own responsibility, putting it on ourselves, and the burden is too much for us to bear. Listen online to re-discover your true identity.

The sermon I referenced above is Week 3: Abider Not A Producer. I pray that the truth of this message impacts your life as much as it has mine. For me, it was like stumbling into an oasis after a long hot trek through the desert. Enjoy!

Portrait of a Broken Mind

Michael has posted the music referenced in my post: Marked For Life 09/14/09 on his website at http://bit.ly/MichaelsMusic . The piece is titled "Portrait of a Broken Mind" and is listed under the Acoustic Music section on the right. Take a listen and let him know what you think. I know it would mean a lot to him. Many blessings to you and your family!

I Think I Finally Got "It"!

Yesterday, I attended a worship service at North Rock Hill Church with my son and daughter-in-law. Every time I visit, I am reminded how much I love this wonderful fellowship of believers in Rock Hill, SC!

The message delivered by pastor Chris Ruppe resonated in my heart and convicted me about my priorities. Although I felt confident I was walking on the right path because my efforts were focused on my ministry for the Lord, something didn’t feel right. I found myself sacrificing valuable time with my family, my friends, my business, and worse yet - my time alone with God in a determined attempt to satisfy the expectations of those in the publishing industry.

Despite my best intentions, I had once again fallen into the “striving, competing, build a platform for yourself” trap that insidiously finds its way even into the world of Christian publishing. As time progressed, I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable because my activities were feeling less like a way to share Jesus, and more like a familiar ride on the old gerbil wheel.

I have been praying for direction for weeks and finally God has opened my eyes to the obvious. Beginning today, I am taking it back to the basics. I do my job – reveling in my relationship with Him while writing and speaking His praises to others. And He does His job – opening doors and creating opportunities for people to hear!

To ensure I stay on the right track, I am participating in a daily devotion on this topic. Plus I have accepted a 40-day challenge to give up a time-consuming activity I enjoy and use the time to focus on the Kingdom of God rather than pursuing my own agenda and asking Him to bless it! The activity I’m giving up? TV!

I confess this may be difficult at first because I enjoy relaxing with programs like The Cleaner on A & E (note the redemptive value!) but I am confident the rewards of drawing nearer to my Savior will be well worth it!

My devotional study for today helped me to realize that I’ve been behaving as though everything depends on me, rather than acknowledging that everything depends upon God.

Today’s lesson from John 6:1-14 reminded me of a quote I heard (on TV!) a few days ago: “That voice in your head (spurring you to relentless effort) isn’t your conscience – it’s your ego.”

So, what’s driving you? Do you really believe that God is in control of every aspect of your life? Are you focused solely on pleasing Him or are you running as fast as you can while pursuing your own agenda and getting nowhere?

If you want to join me on this journey, I will post the triumphs and challenges that occur along the way right here. Use the comment option below to let me know how you are doing and we will walk through this learning experience together!

Marked for Life

September 13, 2009 contained one of the those “Marker Moments” in life that changed something inside me so completely I will forever remember the day as life before and life after…

My sons were always extremely close. And when Stephen was alive, he played an integral role in Michael’s interest in music composition – both as a source of inspiration and as an advisor.

Yesterday afternoon, I had the privilege of sitting in a recital hall at Winthrop University as an ensemble of professional musicians (piano, flute, clarinet, violin and cello led by a conductor) performed and recorded an original composition by Michael Dropps titled, “Portrait of a Broken Mind”.

This was the first time Michael’s music has been performed publicly and it was magnificent! The arrangement was particularly meaningful because it was a tribute he wrote for Stephen. Michael truly poured his heart into revealing Stephen’s soul through this piece and he nailed it. I could almost see Stephen sitting with us, his chin in his hand, nodding to the rhythm and wearing a huge grin.

As a mom, nothing could move me more than to see Michael completely engaged in the music he loves, to watch him advise the performers as they practiced the piece, to hear their positive comments about his work, to observe how much his wife Jessica loves him and supports his dreams, and to know that Stephen continues to live on through Michael’s obedience to the call God has placed on his life.

I wish I could have frozen the moment and lived in it forever – it was that good! And when I consider the spectacular series of events that God orchestrated to make this event a reality, I am once again stunned by His power, His grace, and His love for us.

For more information, check out Michael’s website at www.michaeldropps.com. I expect him to have photos and audio posted shortly!

Once again, I have witnessed evidence that when we are where we are supposed to be, using our passions as God intended, all of heaven sings!

Do you know the wonder of living in the purpose that God intended for your life? That place where all of your gifts, passions, and experiences combine to bring glory to your Creator? I would love to hear about your experiences! Take a minute and leave a comment below.

If you’ve never known this power, let me hear from you as well. I’d love to point you toward the source that can fill your life with direction and meaning. You can’t even imagine how good your life can be!

Birthday Celebration

Every year on Stephen's birthday and again on the anniversary of his death (his new life in heaven!), I honor my son's memory by spending time with the Lord for the express purpose of thanking Him for the love I share with Stephen. And each year, God responds by giving me an unexpected and spectacular gift that soothes the pain in my heart and provides me with a tangible sign of His presence. This year was no exception!

August 30, 2009 marked the date twenty seven years ago that a blonde haired, blue-eyed, brilliantly complex little boy entered my world and forever captivated my heart. When I discovered that fellow evangelist and dear friend, Scott Eadie, would be preaching a revival in nearby Laurens County August 30-Sept 3, I made plans to attend. Scott is an incredibly gifted preacher and I knew his Spirit-filled message of deliverance would lead me right to the throne of God. On Stephen's birthday and every day in between, that is precisely where I most want to be!

Last night was extraordinary. Scott preached a sermon entitled, "So close, but not in" pointing out how so many people take steps in the right direction, some even getting close enough to kiss the door of heaven (Jesus), but never taking the only step (surrendering to Him) that secures their place in the Kingdom of God. The response was tremendous and I was thrilled to witness so many accepting the call of the Holy Spirit during the invitation. What a blessing! If God had stopped there, it would have been more than enough for me to feel the power of His arms comforting me and holding me tight.

But there was more! The Lord gave me a front row seat as a drama unfolded before me - a scene that He knew would have special meaning for me and touch my soul like nothing else could.

As the crowd of hundreds sang numerous verses of the invitation, I saw a young man (early-mid twenties) walk back down the aisle after responding to the invitation and giving his heart to Christ. He stopped at the end of the row to my left and looked at the man standing directly in front of me. Although his expression was serious, his eyes radiated a light that defied description. The man in front of me hurried past the other people in the row and took the young fellow into his arms. They talked for a few minutes and then walked behind the section where I was standing and proceded up the aisle on my right.

Again, the young man stopped at the end of a row just ahead of me. He said something to the people standing there and I saw their faces break into smiles of absolute joy. From my vantage point, I had a clear view of an elderly man's face (I assume he was the young man's grandfather) when he learned that this young man he loved so much had just accepted Jesus as his Savior. It appeared to me that all of the deep lines on his face, possibly etched there by years of fervent prayer for his family, melted away in one beautiful moment. His expression spoke volumes without saying a word and the joy that passed between them as their eyes met was electrifying.

Tears flowed freely down my face as I observed the miracle of new - everlasting - life unfold right before my eyes. What a beautiful gift from the Father who always knows and provides exactly what I need.

Thank you, Lord, for saving this young man's soul and for ministering to the deepest places of my heart as only You can do. And also for giving me a glimpse of the expression that must have been on my precious grandfather's face when Pop saw his beloved Stephen join him in heaven!

I praise God for the gift of salvation and for the promise that lights my way as I journey toward my eternal home! Do you know my Jesus? If not, please follow this link http://www.calltofaith.net/promise to discover how you can meet the One who gave His life for you. Your new - everlasting - life can begin today!

What Kind of Love is This?

In the past two months, I have been blessed to be considered for two tremendous opportunities for ministry. The first was having my third book seriously considered for publication by five major publishing firms in the Christian market. I have responded to their requests for additional material and am waiting for their decisions with great anticipation. Thanks to so many of you who have come alongside me to pray for this dream to become a reality! Please continue praying!

I was made aware of the second opportunity three weeks ago when I received a request for a speaking DVD from the coordinator of the Women's Lifestyle Evangelism Conference. This event, sponsored by the SC Baptist Convention, is held each January over a three day period in three SC cities: Taylors, Myrtle Beach, and Columbia and is attended by thousands of women in each city. I was thrilled to be considered as a speaker for this event but also humbled to think God might entrust me with such a significant responsibility.

Over the next few weeks I prayed that God would search my heart and find me ready to share my story of His deliverance in this venue. I prayed that He would accept me as a vessel that can be shaped and used for His glory alone and that many lives will be eternally changed as others witness His power revealed through my brokenness and restoration.

On Tuesday night of this week I dreamed of my son, Stephen. The details of our conversation are blurred and incomplete but I remember the sweet joy of touching him, talking to him, and gazing once again at his beautiful face.

When I awoke Wednesday morning, one scene from the dream remained crystal clear in my mind. Stephen was seated in a chair in front of me and I was standing behind him with my hands resting on his shoulders. I was listening to a girl with long dark hair who was seated across from him talk about her life. She smiled and laughed as she spoke about superficial, unsatisfying relationships and nights filled with endless parties but my heart responded to the emptiness I saw in her eyes. When she asked Stephen if he remembered seeing her at a party several years ago, I broke my silence.

“I hear you talking about all of the fun you are having with your friends but I don’t see any happiness in your heart. Instead I see someone who is desperately searching for love and always coming up empty. You may be a stranger to me but I know you because I have felt the same way you do. If you would like to hear about it, I can tell you where to find the only Love capable of satisfying the yearning in your heart. And when you meet Him, you will never be empty again.”

Just as she nodded and leaned forward to hear more, I was jolted awake by the sound of my alarm clock. As I lay in bed considering the details of my dream, I felt certain that I would receive a call today telling me I had been selected as a speaker for the SC Women's Lifestyle Evangelism Conference.

I pushed the thought from my mind, afraid to believe in case it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. But the feeling persisted.

A couple of hours later, the emotional battle continued to rage within me while I unsuccessfully tried to refocus my attention on processing payroll for my company. Each time I felt excitement rising within my heart, I firmly pushed it back down with a reminder to be logical. There was no reason for me to believe that I would receive a call today or to think I would be selected from all of the amazing Christian women who could fill this role for Him. A perfectly reasonable argument but for the fact that God was telling me otherwise!

Finally, I couldn't endure the pressure any longer and walked to the other side of my building where I retrieved my cell phone from my purse. Immediately, I saw the voicemail indicator light flashing and my pulse quickened.

The voice in my heart rejoiced, “I told you so!”

I pressed the button to reveal the telephone number of the missed call. My knees felt weak and I sank into my desk chair when it came into view. It was Beth, the coordinator of the Lifestyle Evangelism Conference!

I returned her call and listened in amazement as she informed me that the committee had selected me to serve as a speaker for their January 2010 event. Next year, I will have the privilege of joining the SC Baptist Women's Evangelism team, popular author, speaker, and missionary Kim Hardy and a not-yet-announced but very special internationally-recognized Bible teacher and award-winning author (check back for an exciting future announcement!) to tell women, some like the one in my dream, where they can find a Love that will never leave them empty!

What kind of Love is this? It is the kind that doesn’t reject us and turn away when we struggle with doubts and insecurities or stumble over our pasts but tenderly takes our face in His hand, tilts our chin toward heaven and promises, “Child, listen to Me. I have everything under control and I love you!”

Thank you, God for the unspeakable privilege of serving You and for Your endless patience with me!

An Inconvenient Faith

The older I get, the more truth I find in the old French proverb, “There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” Most nights I slip into slumber easily and awaken the following morning refreshed and eager to embrace a new day. But sometimes rest eludes me, chased away by regrets I have inadvertently created during the day. If only I could fully appreciate the significance of each decision at the time I am making it.

In the Parable of the Good Samaritan found in Luke, Chapter 10, our attention is drawn to the man who unselfishly gives love to a stranger. He is the hero of the story; a model for the behavior Jesus would like for us to emulate. It’s easy for us to see ourselves in that role and identify with the good guy. Given the right circumstances, surely we would also rise to the occasion and do the right thing.

Imagining the appropriate response is easy but actually putting our faith into practice is often quite inconvenient. Serving God is costly in terms of time, treasure, and talents. The Samaritan was willing to pay whatever price was required but the priest and the Levite had none of these to spare. Both clearly saw the suffering but crossed to the other side of the road and passed by. Undoubtedly they had important appointments to keep, no money to spare, and too many people to please. They couldn’t be bothered with the needs of a stranger.

Although many of us have more in common with the sinners in the story rather than the saint, Jesus didn’t elaborate about them. He probably figured we are already well acquainted with the consequences of selfishness and no further discussion about them was required. We needed a higher standard to follow. But I am curious. Was their indifference to suffering a momentary lapse or a typical way of life? Did they sleep well that night? Or did they toss and turn, haunted by regrets over what could have been, restlessly counting each hour until the light of dawn finally pierced the darkness?

If the test had required less sacrifice, perhaps they would have passed it. But a test cannot truly measure character unless it forces us to stretch and these fellows had no room for flexibility.

My test also came at the worst possible time. It was Saturday night and I had been suffering with a dreadful cold since Wednesday. My sinuses were aching and the simple act of breathing was laborious. Even talking wasn't worth the effort required. I wanted nothing more than a warm bed and the blessed oblivion of sleep but reluctantly agreed to accompany my husband to the mall to return a few items.

I had just completed my third and final return transaction and was on my way to meet my husband when I saw her. It was just a glimpse really. I noticed a young woman with long dark hair exiting a rest room at least twenty feet away. I had turned the corner and taken at least ten more steps before the thought penetrated the cold medicine induced fog in my brain. She had both of her hands near her face. Was she crying?

Honestly, I didn’t want to know the answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. I did; however, I was sick and didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I simply wanted to go home and slip into my warm bed.

Yet, a world of possibilities stretched before me. If she was crying, this was an opportunity to share God’s love with her by listening, offering prayer, and comforting her. If I was mistaken, I had nothing to lose. The compassion that led me to retrace my steps to be certain she was okay might open the door to an interesting conversation or a new friendship. God had opened a door. Would I cross the threshold and allow Him to use me to bless another or would I cross to the other side?

Like the priest and the Levite, I am also a Christian leader. I am passionate about my love for Jesus, but the timing of this encounter was incredibly inconvenient.

Hours later, I finally climbed into my bed but the warmth brought little comfort and I did not enjoy the peaceful rest I anticipated. Instead, I spent several miserable hours vainly trying to formulate one single excuse God might find acceptable.

Two weeks later, I am still regretting my decision to turn away and speculating about what might have been. Now that I’ve had time to reconsider my response, I would gladly sacrifice my time, my treasure, and my talents to provide assistance to her but the moment has passed and the opportunity has been lost. I cannot recapture what might have been. I hope the next person to come along behind me was less concerned with convenience and more committed to Christ-like compassion than I was.

This test is over and the results are in: I failed. But God is patient with slow-learners. He will give me another chance and the next time will be different regardless of how I feel.

Even so, I wish I knew how this story ended.

Can you tell me?

What did you do when you saw her?